Be the Patriarch

The other day, I had made a comment in our Facebook Group about being a Patriarch. Someone suggested I put that phrase on a shirt but I thought it would be better to explain it here.

Very simply, a Patriarch is the male leader of a family. It’s becoming painfully obvious that we are lacking male leadership in the home. Divorce rates are on the rise as they have been for some time and the amount of young boys and girls who are growing up without fathers is scary to even think about.

And, I don’t even think we’ve begun to see the fallout from the leaderless homes. Already, we see young boys and girls confused about their gender, we see violence, addiction, and the fact that the sexual misconduct perpetuated by men is seemingly climbing. I can’t help but think that a lot of these problems could be addressed by worthy and honorable male leadership in the home.

I don’t think all of this would go away but if more men would lead their families the way they’re meant to be led, much of the negativity we see in society today would dwindle.

I want to be really clear here. I know there are situations in which the mother is responsible for leading the home. Maybe dad is out of the picture for whatever reason. But, regardless, a man’s influence in the home cannot be replicated.

Men and women are different. Where women are great in certain areas, men fall short. And, where men are great in certain areas, women fall short. This is why it is so crucial that there be both a masculine and feminine presence in the home.

Specifically, I want to talk about the masculine presence in the home because that’s where we as a society seem to be falling short.

Look, if you’re a father and/or a husband, your job is to lead. Period. You are designed to lead. You were born to lead. And, what’s really fascinating is that the majority of women I talk with who tune into what we’re doing here are craving men who lead with honor, strength, and integrity.

So today, of all the factors that make you and I the Patriarchs of the family we’ve been called to be, I want to talk with you about three specifically.


Vision is absolutely crucial in your calling as the family’s Patriarch. It is your job to determine the direction of the family mission. As I say that, I know there’s a lot of families who don’t have an objective or a mission.

But if your family doesn’t have a purpose, what exactly are you working towards and how can you know you’re on the right track? The truth is you can’t.

Too many men and therefore, too many families are wandering around aimlessly without a benchmark to shoot for or to strive to. I used to have friends that had parents that didn’t care about what they did and how late they were out and what trouble they were getting into. Their fathers were more concerned with being the kids’ friends that being their father.

I used to think and wonder how cool it would be if that was my situation. But now I look back and think how sad that my friends had no leadership, no purpose, and no sense of direction.

Now, with that said, I do recognize that a wife and a mother has a say in the direction of her family. My wife and I lead together and I’ve never made a major family decision without her guidance, direction, and support.

I’m not suggesting you do it on your own. I’m suggesting that you take the initiative to talk about and identify a vision for your family.


Next, you’ve got to be able to communicate that vision. If you can’t or won’t share what’s on your mind and the direction you’d like to go, you’re never going to get buy-in from your wife and children.

Now, some men would say, “It doesn’t matter, my family will do what I tell them to.” To that I say, “You might be right but for how long?” No one will follow a leader indefinitely who cannot be empathetic to the family’s needs, desires, and wishes.

Effective communication is about taking all of that into consideration as you articulate the direction for the family.

It’s not always easy. It’s not always fun. But it’s not supposed to be. It’s challenging to have the types of conversations you’re going to need to have on your path to keeping your family on the right track but like I said before, you are uniquely qualified to do it.


And the third component I wanted to talk with you about today is that of structure. Every family needs structure, systems, and discipline in order to operate effectively.

Again, this is the part that isn’t necessarily the fun part but it’s critical. You have a noble calling and that requires strength and grit and fortitude. It also requires the support system in place in order to help achieve the mission.

Are you meeting with your family regularly? Do your children know what is expected of them and the consequences should they fall short of those expectations? Are there boundaries that are not to be crossed and enforced? Is everyone on the same page or is there confusion and chaos in the walls of your homes?

These are all powerful questions that can be answered in order to step more fully into the role of Patriarch.

I know that there are going to be those who think this information or way of looking at things is outdated and to that I agree. It is a traditional way of looking at things but I’d have you consider that the traditional way of managing a home is not the problem but the deviation from it.

I know that there are a lot of factors at play here and of course there’s no way for me to cover every situation and family dynamic. But if you have the opportunity and capability, your family needs you to step up. They need your vision, your direction, your guidance, your structure, your support, and your discipline.

And, not only do they need it, it’s your job. You are the patriarch.

Gentlemen, as we wind down today, I do want to invite you to join us in our exclusive brotherhood, The Iron Council. This may be just the tool that you need to step up in your family as a husband and father. I’m amazed at how many messages I get from men who want to save their marriages and families but aren’t willing to put in a little time and investment to make the changes they pretend they want so bad. If you want something different out of your life, you’re going to have to do something different. The Iron Council has all the tools, resources, guidance, support, and direction to help you become the Patriarch of your home and a leader in your business and community. You can join us at

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