We’ve got a pretty thriving Facebook Community and one of the underlying themes I see quite a bit there is setbacks, struggles, trials, adversity, and obstacles. And, more importantly, questions about how to overcome these “expected unexpecteds” in life.
This is going to be tough because, obviously, I cannot go through every scenario in which you find yourself on a daily basis in the next eight minutes but, what I can do, is give you a three-part formula that I’ve used in my time here on this spinning rock that has helped me overcome some major hurdles – hurdles that many of you have experiences or are in the middle of right now.
I’ve been fat, I’ve been broke, I’ve been depressed, I’ve had failing businesses, I almost lost my marriage at one point and, I can tell you that this simple strategy, although it’s not easy, can help you overcome just about any challenge you may find yourself in.
But, before I share the formula with you, I need you to understand something: you are responsible for what you do with your life. No one else – you!
Yes, you can have friends. Yes, you can have mentors. Yes, you can have a support group or a team. But, at the end of the day and, regardless of their effort and help and resources, it is up to you to build the life you want. That means that, at times, you are going to have to face some things alone. You’re going to have to stare down whatever trial you have to and figure out a way to go around, over, under, and through the things that might have you pinned down. No one can or will do it for you.
Now, that you know it is up to you, let’s talk about this.
My formula for overcoming any setback is simply REGROUP, RECALIBRATE, AND RE-ENGAGE.
So let’s discuss this. Let’s break this down. Let’s talk about what this means.
If you’re anything like me, you a man of action. You see a problem, you fix it. You’re on a mission. You’re a closer.
Good, I believe that attitude will help you and I go far in life. But, the reality is, there are some things in life that cannot be solved with raw aggression and determination.
The action you’re talking right now may have been the very action that created the problem in the first place.
I know, for example, when my wife and I decided to call it quits almost eight years ago, that my knee-jerk reaction was to fix it.
So, what did I do? I called her all the time. I sent her messages all the time. I tried to convince her that I had changed. I tried to force her, in a way, to come back to me.
The reality of that play was that I caused more harm than good and I actually drove a wedge further into our relationship.
Let’s face it guys, sometimes we’re like a bull in a china shop. I’ve never found a time where more aggression, more agitation, more force, more domination has worked when, what I was doing in the first place wasn’t working.
Now, a lot of guys will look at “regrouping” as retreating. It’s not. Regrouping is an opportunity for you to pause, for you to call a time-out, for you to give yourself the space and the margin you need to move on to the next steps I’m going to share with you.
Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”
You need to regroup, pause for a second, and consider what is actually happening to you.
Remove yourself from the situation. Get rid of the possible anger, contention, frustration, and allow yourself time to reflect on the emotions of fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, and hostility that you may be experiencing.
Bring in an outside perspective, call in your band of brothers, get another voice, point of view, opinion, anything to help you see things differently that you currently are.
Do not force it. It’s not going to work. And, if force does work, it’s only temporary.
Think about this in the context of shooting. When you’re sighting in your firearm, what do you do?
Do you shoot as many rounds as you have only to go check how your shots are aligning once you’ve expended all your ammunition?
No. You take three to five shots than evaluate your accuracy. You come back, make the adjustments you need, then take a couple more shots, then evaluate, come back and take a couple more.
You do that over and over and over again until you are consistently hitting center-mass.
This is what I mean by recalibrate. You’ve grouped. You’ve surrounded yourself with other people who are going to give you a new perspective.
Now, it’s time to strategize. What happened? Why did it happen? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What are the possible outcomes of this scenario? What would I like to see happen? If I behave a certain way, what is the probable reaction?
This is about securing your assets, recognizing your liabilities, emphasizing your strengths, and mitigating your weaknesses.
Now, you’re in the position to make a move. You’re in the position to do this right free from the misinterpreations of your emotions and the heat of the moment. Free from wanting to get revenge or do something stupid out of spite.
This men, is the intelligent process.
Any male can behave irrationally. We call that behaving like a boy. My sons through temper tantrums when my wife and I tell them it’s time for bed but no rational man is going to throw a temper tantrum when he knows he’s got to get some sleep. It would be absolutely ridiculous if he did.
But, consider how many temper tantrums you throw throughout your week – at your kids, at your ex, at your boss, your clients, your co-workers. Just sit and think about that for a minute.
You know it’s more than you’d like to admit. This is why it’s critical you regroup and recalibrate.
This step can often times be the most difficult.
When my oldest son was three years old, we put him on the back of a relatively mild pony. He was excited about it and because he was so excited, that pony got excited and kicked him off.
Of course, my son didn’t want to get back on the horse but we talk with him about getting back on and he did and, all was well.
But, ask yourself how many times you’ve fallen off the horse and haven’t got back on.
At any point in your life have you been rejected by someone you loved and waiting too long to get back into the dating scene?
Have you failed in a business and thought because it happened once before it will happen again?
Have you gone into the gym to get in shape and felt awkward and ashamed about the way you looked so you decided not to ever go to the gym again?
Have you been part of an organization or company where someone may have said something to you that completely pissed you off and you wrote the whole company or organization off?
You have. I have. We all have.
It’s human nature to avoid pain. Your mind, body, and soul is telling you not to get back on the horse because you might get your ass handed to you again.
You might. That’s reality.
But, you’ve got to decided right now, are you going to live life in the corner in fear and never do anything worthwhile because you’re afraid or are you going to take a bold leap into the unknown and give it another shot at the risk of falling again but knowing full well that this is only path to success?
I think you know the answer. Now, will you do it?