One topic I see talked about more than just about any other is that of building confidence. It seems that more and more men are lacking the confidence they desire in their lives. I think there’s a lot of reasons for this so today, I thought I’d share with you why we seem to be experiencing more of that, and give you some very quick and actionable tips in order to develop confidence and, of course, the results that stem from it.
More than anything, you’ve got to understand that you are not entitle to confidence. I know you may think you know that but it’s amazing to me how many men seem to think being confident is something men are born with and that some men are just inherently confident.
I think that has some truth to it. Some men are born with a predisposition to be more confident in their lives but I believe the bigger variable to building and developing confidence is the ability to take action despite fear.
See, it’s my belief that confidence is the natural by-product of action. A lot of guys seem to think it’s the confidence that comes first. It’s not. It’s courage.
In order to foster confidence in your life, you need to display courage to take action, nothing more, nothing less.
Men will ask, “How do I get more confident around women?” Or, “How do I gain confidence in my ability to start a business, ask for a promotion, take calculated risks, or just in myself?”
The answer is that confidence is earned. It’s earned by taking part in the very activity you lack confidence in. So, if you want to gain confidence with women, you need to spend more time with women. If you want to gain confidence in your ability to start a business, you need to start a business and ask for people to do business with you.
It’s going to be awkward at first. You’re going to look a little foolish. But, remember, the guys who have confidence have already gone through that stage. It’s a mistake to believe they haven’t.
I remember going into the gym for the first time in 5-6 years (I still have the picture to prove it). I was so hesitant to go in because I knew how bad it had gotten. I thought people were going to laugh at me or think less of me, or whatever lies I had come up with to keep myself comfortable.
But, I went anyways. I put away my fear because what I wanted (to be in shape) was more important to me than the embarrassment of stepping into the gym for the first time in years.
So, you’ve got to ask yourself, “How badly do you want it?” If the answer is “badly,” you’ve got to be willing to put the fear aside, recognize that it’s going to be uncomfortable, and take pride in the fact that you did it anyways.
That pride of overcoming what you resisted doing is what foster confidence in your ability to go back at it tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and the next.
Comfortable is the Enemy of Confidence
The biggest hurdle I had to overcome in my desire to be more confident was the natural tendency we all have to choose the easy path. And not that doing things the easy way is wrong. But when faced with two choices – the status quo or pushing outside our comfort zone – the only way to build the confidence you want is to choose to step outside your comfort zone.
Don’t lie to yourself and think that it should be easy or dismiss another man’s confidence as something he just inherently has.
Recognize that it’s hard. Recognize that building confidence takes effort not just for you but for everyone and face the reality.
Then, consciously make a choice. One of the things I ask when facing difficult work or circumstances is “Will the action I’m about to talk help me or hinder me on my path to become a better man?”
It’s a great question to ask yourself. If you want a promotion, ask yourself if asking for said promotion will help or hinder you.
If you want a date, ask yourself if asking for that date will help or hinder you.
If you want to be more confident with your fitness, ask yourself if going to the gym will help or hinder you.
If you want to be more confident with other people, ask yourself if going to that networking event will help or hinder you.
Then, act accordingly, in spite of your uneasiness and fear.
Gentlemen, I know it’s not easy. I was not confident in myself for a lot of years. It’s not something where you can simply flip a switch. It takes years of effort. It’s like the adage, “what came first, the chicken of the egg?”
You may not have confidence now but you don’t need confidence. You need courage – the courage to act in spite of the feelings that are keeping you back.
Only when you’re confident enough to take bold action have you earned and have the right to the confidence that comes with it.