Welcome to your Friday Field Notes – a short episode delivered each week designed to help you think critically about what it means to be a man.
My goal is to help you become a better leader in your family, your business, and your community.
If you’re interested in getting involved in more discussions like this and want to take charge of your life, I encourage you to check out our elite mastermind, The Iron Council.
This week, I talk about the power of choices.
Transcript, Crushing Excuses
Men, what is going on? My name is Ryan Michler and I am your host and the founder of Order of Man. If you’re new to the show for the first time today, I want you to understand this is a short show. It’s called Friday Field Notes and, obviously, we release them every Friday.
In addition to this show you need to make sure that you check out our Tuesday show. Each and every Tuesday we release an interview with one of the most successful people on the planet.
We talk about relationships, providing for your family, protecting your loved ones, health, money, and life. That’s what it is – it’s a show about life and you – the man living it.
Make sure you subscribe to our podcast so you never miss an episode.
Now, if you’re not new, you know that I typically just jump right into the show each and every week. You’re busy. I’m busy. I don’t want to bore you a bunch of fluff and frills. Let’s just get to the meat of the material.
And, on that note, we’re going to talk about choices today. Choices. It’s a powerful word. It’s powerful because when you own the fact that your day (and your life) is a series of choices, you start to wrestle some of the control and power back from those people, companies, institutions, and governments you’ve given it to.
Let me tell you what the opposite of this is. The words, “I can’t.” Frankly men, you need to get that vocabulary out of your head RIGHT NOW. It is such a pathetic phrase and it is destroying your ability to get ahead. “Won’t” and “can’t” are different and you better start understanding that difference quick.
This is such a horrible phrase in our house (it’s like a swear word) that every time I hear one of my children it, they do 10 burpees. I want them to be aware that “I can’t” is not even real. It’s not real. It’s an illusion you’ve created to get you out of the work required to…whatever – have a good marriage, go to the gym, start a new business, yada, yada, yada.
Let’s think about your morning for a minute.
You hear the alarm go off. Why did you set it at 7:00? Because, “You had to.” Wrong, you choose to.
“Well, Ryan, if I don’t get up at 7:00, I won’t be ready for work in time.” Great – that’s still a choice.
Who said you had to go into work at that time? Who said you had to do that job? Don’t tell me you have to. That’s almost as bad as saying, “you can’t.”
Have you really resigned to a life of “I have to.” No man, you GET to. You get to go to work.
“But, Ryan, what if I hate my job?” Get a new job.
“But, Ryan, what if I can’t find a job in my area?” Move to a new area.
“But, Ryan, my family depends on my income.” No, your family depends on your fulfillment. You really think your family wants you to be miserable? You really think you’re serving your family when you’re unhappy?
“But, Ryan, I don’t have a degree.” Get a degree or find a job that doesn’t require one.
Can you see how WEAK it is to resign to this have to or rely on outside factors? That’s not what men do.
Men grab life by the balls. And, when something doesn’t work out quite right, the MAKE A CHOICE and change directions.
Can you see how powerful choices can be in your life? No, notice I did not say that CHOOSING makes things easier. It doesn’t. It just make is more meaningful.
I want you to start thinking about every decision, every situation, every circumstance as a choice in your life.
I went golfing with a couple of friends the other day. One of them asked if I wanted to join a men’s golfing league. I would have loved to but I DECIDED NOT TO.
Most guys would have made an excuse and said, “My wife won’t let me” or “money doesn’t allow it” or a million other excuses we come up with on a daily basis.
But for me, it was a matter of choosing where to allocate my time. Do I CHOOSE to allocate it to golf? Or, do I CHOOSE to allocate it to my family? Or, do I CHOOSE to allocate it to my business?
And, this is what I’m talking about. IT’S MY LIFE. It’s not my friend’s life. It’s not my boss’ life. It’s not my wife’s life. It’s mine!
And, if you truly want to be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled, you better start treating it that way. No one dictates for me how I am going to run my life. I have advisors. I have a family. I have coaches. They guide and direct me but, ultimately, I CHOOSE.
Don’t get in the default mode of going with the flow. Be a man, take charge of your life.
Okay, so you get it right?! Have I beat on this enough? Okay, good. Now, how do you do it?
Three easy things:
- First, eliminate the words, “I can’t” from your vocabulary and, instead replace them with the words, “I won’t,” “I don’t want to,” or “I choose not to” because that’s what it really is. It’s NEVER that you can’t. Eliminating that phrase puts the responsibility of the course of your life back where it belongs – ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
- Second, practice making choices. You want to know one of my pet peeves? When someone invites me to lunch or dinner and then asks me where I want to go to lunch. Be decisive man! That’s your job as a man! So, if someone asks you to choose, DO IT. If a business associate asks you where you would like to go to lunch, decide. If a friend asks you where you would like to go golfing, decide. If your wife asks you which color she should get, decide. Practicing making choices will help you get better at it.
- Third, each and every day review your day and ask yourself what you got done. Ask yourself if it’s what you meant to get done. Ask yourself what didn’t you get done. Ask yourself why the disparity between what you did get done and what you wanted to get done. Ask yourself, what choices are you going to make tomorrow to be more effective. Ask yourself what your priorities are for the following day. Are you seeing a trend here? You need to review your day and think critically about where you allowed thing to slip through the cracks and how you can deliberately make better choices tomorrow so it doesn’t happen again.
I think we’re up on time today guys. Bottom line – choose more, defer less. You’ll be happier, more successful, more respected, more influential, and more of a man.
I’m going to leave you with a quote I tell my kids all the time. My son rolls his eyes every time I do. “Live your life by design, not by default.”
And on that note, if you want to learn more about how to do that, you need to join our mastermind, The Iron Council.
This is 80+ other men working side by side to take charge of their lives – their relationships, their health, their wealth, their business, whatever it may be.
If you’re stuck in your life, if you’ve reached a plateau, if you’re not growing, chances are you’ve probably started to coast. You’re probably not making as many choices. You’re living your life by default.
It is my goal and the goal of the men in the Iron Council to shake you out of the habit that are keeping you there – including indecisiveness.
Head to orderofman.com/ironcouncil and join us RIGHT NOW!
Guys, I’ll look forward to talking with you next week but, until then, CHOOSE how you want to live your life.