Today I cover the topic of boundaries – why they’re important, why “work/life balance” will never exist, and four simple strategies you can use to do more of the things YOU want to do.
Transcript – Forging Boundaries
Gentlemen, what’s going on today?! My name is Ryan Michler and I the host and founder of Order of Man.
We’re all about helping the men in this world become better men. But, I get a lot of questions about what that even means. Here’s the bottom line guys – we want you to step more fully into your role as a protector, a provider, and a presider in your family, your business, and your community.
I’ve found that when I have embraced those roles as a man, I have been happier, more fulfilled, more alive, more respected – I’ve made more money, I’ve connected with my wife and kids on a deeper level, and I live a life worth living.
So, to that end, our goal is to bring you the very best, most successful people on the planet and glean some of their tactics and strategies to help you do just that. We’ve interview Jocko Willink, Jordan Harbinger, Brett McKay, Lewis Howes, Joe De Sena and a ton more.
Now, those are our interview shows released each Tuesday. If you’re new to the show, you are not listening to an interview show today – you’re listening to our Friday Field Notes edition which is my ramblings of the week for 5-10 minutes.
So, you’re going to want to subscribe, if you haven’t done so already so you never miss a single episode. Next week, I’m dropping a conversation I had with Jason McCarthy, the founder of GoRuck, so you won’t want to miss it.
Now, let’s get into the show today since we don’t have much time. This topic of Forging Boundaries is one that a member of our Facebook Group asked about. By the way, if you aren’t a member of our Facebook Group yet, where have you been? Go to www.facebook.com/groups/orderofman to join 6500 other men.
If you have a topic you’d like me to cover, you can let me know inside that group!
Now, let’s talk about Forging Boundaries. Let me make sure I clarify here though first. When I say “forging boundaries,” I’m not talking about emotional or sexual boundaries although that could certainly apply.
I’m talking about the boundaries you need to create between the different elements of your life. For example, boundaries between your work and your time at home.
This is one of the biggest challenges I hear from men – how do you create a “work/life balance.” In fact, I get this question so often I did an earlier Friday Field Notes on the subject which you can find at www.orderofman.com/FFN011.
The problem with the phrase “work/life balance” is it might give someone the impression that we’re supposed to spend an equal amount of time at work and at home. The reality is that’s the furthest thing from the truth. It’s an absolute myth that we can “balance” this perfectly.
First, we need to understand that there are seasons. You might be particularly busy with a deadline at work this season or, like me, you’re consumed with writing a book. Or, you might be wrapping all your spare time in coaching your kids’ football team so everything else gets pushed aside.
Second, what are your priorities? There’s a lot of “gurus” and “experts” throwing around the term, “hustle.” And, they’ll make you believe that you need to spend every waking hour working on your business. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that advice except, that may not be your dream – that may not be your vision.
Maybe your vision is to make just enough money to live a comfortable life and then spend the rest of your time engaged with your family. Bottom line here is that it doesn’t matter what someone else says. It’s all about the life YOU want to live.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about a strategy you can employ, not to create balance, but to fulfill your priorities. This is the concept of boundaries. It’s a series of checks and balances you live with intentionality and a very deliberate purpose.
Step 1 to creating the boundaries required to live a fulfilled life is knowing exactly what you want. What do you want out of your relationships? What do you want for yourself? What do you want out of your business? What do you want when it comes to your health.
Can you honestly tell me you can give me a one-sentence answer to each of those questions? If not, you need to start here. If you’re not clear about your goals and priorities, no amount of planning is going to help.
Second, you need to identify what you will tolerate and what you won’t in terms of scheduling and time. Again, if you’re not clear about how you’re going to use your time and energy, I promise you, you’re going to get taken advantage of. It’s not that people are out to get you but if you play the “nice guy” role and do everything for everyone at any time, people will use that to their advantage.
For example, as I was building my financial planning practice, I made the very clear rule that I would not meet people in the evenings or on the weekends. And, I stuck to it. It was hard, especially when a big client would ask to meet in one of those time blocks. But, because I knew exactly what I wanted and I took ruthless control of my time, it was easy for me to say ‘no.’ And, you know what? The type of people I wanted to work with respected that.
Next, learn to get good at saying ‘no.’ You’ve already identified what you want when it comes to your self, health, wealth, and relationship goals. You’ve already blocked out your calendar to make time to work on each of these areas. But, just because you’ve completed step 1 and 2 does not mean the requests will stop.
If anything, they’ll increase…for a while. This is the world’s way of testing your resolve. Are you really committed to doing the things you said you would? If not, you’ll revert. If you are, you’ll do the harder thing which is to say ‘no.’ And, you’ll be able to do it with confidence knowing that particular opportunity just isn’t in alignment with your priorities.
Don’t worry, this get a lot easier the more you do it so make sure you practice saying ‘no’ daily.
The last tip for establishing boundaries is communication. If your clients don’t know what to expect of you, if your friends, or your colleagues, or your family don’t know what to expect of you, it’s going to become infinitely harder to stick to the boundaries you’ve created.
Communicate at all costs and you’re need to say ‘no’ will go down because people will know what to expect of you. You’ve got to open your mouth and let words come out. Don’t let things go unsaid. Say exactly what you are feeling. Again, this gets easier with practice.
So there you have it guys… A couple quick and easy tips to creating boundaries. Identify what you want, articulate what you will and will not tolerate, get good at saying ‘no,’ and communicate at all costs. There is no such thing as over-communication.
If you want to learn more about how to implement this in your life, if you feel like your life is dictated by your wife, or your boss, or your clients, if you want to take control of your life and do the things YOU want to do, we’re showing 100+ guys how to do that inside the Iron Council.
This is an elite mastermind of men who are DOING the work to improve their lives. We’ve got Battle Teams, virtual calls, weekly assignments challenges, and the accountability systems in place that will allow YOU to take your life to the next level.
If you want to learn more, you can go to www.orderofman.com/ironcouncil to learn how.
Hope to see you there but, in the meantime, I’ll look forward to talking with you next week. Take action and live manfully!