There seems to be a lot of men these days that have either forgotten what it means to be a man in the home or never learned the skills to step up fully as the king of their castle.
I know as I have this discussion there is going to be someone that isn’t going to like what I have to say because they’re going to interpret me using the phrase “King of the Castle” as “Asshole of the Castle.”
Let me be really clear with you here. That is not what I’m referring to at all. When I talk about being the king of your castle, I’m talking about righteous, virtuous, honorable leadership regarding what happens inside the walls of your home.
I look around and I see the pain in men’s eyes. And, if it’s not pain, it’s death. There are millions of men walking around like lifeless, soulless zombies. And, the repercussions of that is, at best, a meaningless life and, at worst, infidelity issues, addiction to drugs, alcohol, and/or pornography, and, in many case, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.
While everyone out there is trying to change the world, solve world hunger, bring about world peace, and doing it at a global scale, I’m here to tell you that the way we change the world is by equipping men with the tools and skills to lead their own kingdoms. And that means we start by going into the most basic unit in society, the family.
This has become my life’s work because I know first-hand what it’s like to live in a home without a father. I know what it’s like to live with a man who has forsaken his responsibilities of “king” in the home.
And, truth be told, I’ve been that man. I know there’s thousands of men listening to this who would agree to the same in their own lives.
Look guys, you’ve got a lot of hats to wear: husband, father, business owner, employee, chairman, coach, pastor, friend, neighbor, and any number of the thousands of things we do on a daily basis.
But, it is my firm belief that if you can’t nail down the father/husband role, none of those other “hats” matter.
I’m sick of seeing guys who make millions of dollars but can’t connect with their kids.
I’m sick of seeing guys spend so much time in the gym at the expense of their family.
I’m sick of hearing men who use their financial acumen to justify the mistreatment of their wives and children.
You have to get this right. You have to lead your family. You have to be the king in your home.
A righteous king leads with love, and justice, and mercy, and compassion, and strength, and vision, and fortitude.
That’s all tall order. It’s not easy to fulfill but it is what is required of you as a man – especially considering you voluntarily signed the dotted line that said, “I will take care of my wife” and, “I will provide for, protect, and preside for my family.”
I know we’re not even going to scratch the surface on all that you’ll be called to do in your home but I want to share a couple points that I believe, if you get right, a lot of the other responsibilities fall into place.
The first element of being the king of your castle is having a vision for what it is you even want to accomplish. What do you want out of your marriage? What do you want for your children? Do you spend time thinking about these things? Sure, you did all your business forecasting but when is the last time you forecasted what needs to happen in the home.
Without some measurement of vision, there can be no growth.
Next, communication. Maybe you’ve casted a vision. Maybe you know what you want. Maybe you’ve got a great idea of where you’re going.
But, if you’re the only one who knows what that vision is, how successful can you possibly be?
You might want to include the people who are impacted by your decisions in the process of deciding what the vision is and how you’re going to execute.
I’m not suggesting that you ask your children what you should do when it comes to your investments but there are components of the family dynamic (chores, vacations, disagreements, etc.) that you can, and should, discuss with children.
One thing we just started implementing is a family meeting each morning. We read scriptures for about 10 minutes then talk about what the schedule is for the day, what chores need to be done, what’s going on that evening, etc. It’s a way for all of us to get on the same page.
My wife and I also do a meeting each Monday to talk about the family and the finances.
I don’t care what you do as long as you’re finding ways to continually communicate your vision, expectations, and priorities.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
The third component I wanted to talk with you about is taking care of yourself first.
I know I just talked about how important it is for you to take care of you family. And, it is. But, if you can’t find a way to take care of yourself first, taking care of anyone else is just not going to last.
Find time to exercise, read, enjoy your hobby. Surround yourself with other men who uplift and motivate you. Take time to do things on your own. Set boundaries for yourself so you can get the energy you need in order to sustain your role as husband and father.
It’s difficult – I know but it’s absolutely required to thrive in your role as king of the castle.
PREPARE FOR THE WORST
The last component of this discussion I want to have with you is that of preparation.
It’s cliché to say, but the world is a dangerous place. If you don’t believe that, you’re misinformed or delusional.
Rather than run from that fact or pretend it doesn’t exist, you’d be better off facing the reality that you and your family might find yourself in a dangerous situation.
That’s why you need to be prepared for whatever may come your way. Physically strong, provisions, mental fortitude, toughness, resiliency, and a certain skill set are required when that day comes knocking on your door.
I know dynamics in relationships have changes. I know there’s women entering the workforce. I know women are more assertive than they’ve ever been.
And, to that, I say “great.” I think a king can lead hand-in-hand with his queen. My wife and I have an equal responsibility in raising our children and ensuring that our family vision is carried out.
But, the fact remains, that at the end of the day you’re responsible for the well-being of your family. When it all hits the fan, people are going to look to you. When there’s no money coming into the house, people are going to look to you. When there’s an emergency, people are going to look to you.
A righteous kings understands that and, as the king of his castle, prepares for it.
Remember, YOU are the king of the castle. And, if you’re going to be king, you might as well be a good one.
I hope this serves you well. I hope you take these ideas into your life. If we truly want to change the world, it all starts with changing the dynamic inside the four walls you call your castle.