I titled the name of this podcast, How to Win Your Wife Back, but it’s not just for men who may be going through a separation. It’s for men who are married or who might get married at any time in the future.
In other words, the things that I talk about today are going to apply to every man out there. I’m going to share some real life lessons, some things that I learned the hard way, and shed some light into my darkest days, so that, hopefully, you don’t have to go through the same experiences I did roughly 7 years ago.
Now, I told you I’m not going to get too much into my story but, roughly 7 years ago my wife and I decided to quits.
There was a lot that led up to that event but it finally came to a head one evening and we decided to throw in the towel.
For a long time, I blamed her. Why was she doing this to me? How could she be so disloyal? Why wasn’t she doing the things I thought a good wife should do? Those were the questions going through my mind.
But, somewhere along the way, I realized that maybe it wasn’t her. Maybe it wasn’t her fault. Maybe I was the one who had let her down. Maybe I was disloyal. I never cheated on her but maybe I wasn’t there the way she needed me to be mentally and emotionally. Maybe I brought this upon myself.
And, as I came to these realizations, I began to do something about it.
So, I titled this podcast, How to Win My Wife Back, but the reality is that title is probably a little misleading because there’s nothing you can do to change her.
YOU are the only one you have control over. YOU are the only one who can change. But sometimes, that’s enough. Sometimes it isn’t.
So, whether your wife decides to come back, or not, or you’re still together even, you can do something about you. And that will always serve you well.
Maybe the better title for the podcast would be, How to Change Myself. But, let’s be honest, you wouldn’t have listened to that, right?
The reality is this: when you change yourself, people respond differently.
If you’re wife isn’t responding the way you hoped she would, it has less to do with her and more to do with you and the way you’re behaving.
And, that’s what I want to talk with you about today. How to change yourself…..so that you’re wife responds. And, the things I’m going to share with you apply more to more than just your romantic relationships, they apply to relationships with kids, co-workers, bosses, employees, neighbors, and anyone else you come in contact with.
So, how do you change yourself? How do you do this?
Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to, especially as I began my change 7 years ago. Each of us lives in a box, there are no doors, no windows, and no way to get out. This is a box of delusions. We’ve told ourselves so many things – so many scripts, so many lies, so many delusions.
And, unless you do something about the box you live in, you’ll ALWAYS experience the same results you’ve experienced up to this point. If there’s ONE THING you need to take away from the conversation today, it’s how do I expand my box and how do I let new information into the box.
Let’s get really tactical here. It’s nice to talk about dreams and rainbows and hopes and wishes but unless you know EXACTLY what to do, you’re probably going to do a lot of dreaming and not a whole lot ‘doing.’
I cannot overemphasize this enough. You have to start filling this box (your mind) with new information. In fact, I did a post on this a couple of months, 10 Books Every Man Should Read.
But, a couple of really good books specifically on relationships are The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Start there.
We literally have access to the greatest minds the world has ever seen and you can tap into them for FREE.
I personally read 40-50 books per year and every time I read, I learn something new which expands my box and my level of thinking.
Find a New Group
Invite other people into your world. But, not just anyone. I’m talking about successful people. People who will challenge you. People who will push you. People who will expand your way of thinking. If you want a great resource on this, go listen to my podcast interview with Stephen Mansfield on Building Your Band of Brothers.
This is paramount you guys. This strategy alone has the power to catapult you out of your current reality into the stratosphere.
If you’re struggling with your business, find successful business owners.
If you’re struggling with you weight, find fitness and nutrition coaches.
If you’re struggling as a father and husband, find me who are getting it right.
Get out there and find the people that have it figured out.
Get Right With Yourself
A lot of the baggage we carry around has to with the way we think about the world and how we interact with it. We take our thought process and we project it out into the world and we wonder why people aren’t responding the way we would like them to.
A couple of very specific areas you should focus on:
Health – What are you doing to and for your body? What food are you putting into this machine? What muscles are you exercising?
Wealth – How do your finances look? Money is one of the biggest drivers of arguments in a relationship. Are you tracking your money? Are you looking for new ways to make extra money? Are you spending less or more than you earn? Get this stuff under control
Self/Spirituality – I’m not necessarily talking about religion. I’m talking about the spirit and mind. Are you meditating? Are you participating in hobbies and activities that are engaging to you? If not, you’ve got to carve out time.
Look guys, I know this stuff sounds simple the best answers usually are. So, if you’re struggling in your marriage. If you’re going through a separation. If you’re going through a divorce, you need to focus less attention on her and more attention on you.
I know that sounds counterintuitive but when you change, the way she responds to you will change.
Try this stuff for a day, a week, a month, and see where this leads you.
At the end of the day, the women in our lives are looking for leaders. They’re looking for assertiveness. They’re looking for men with energy, passion, drive, and motivation. Odds are you have limited amounts of that left. The world may have beat you up with financial problems, health problems, divorce, job loss, illness and injury. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet. And, when you do, she will respond.
I hope that helps to some degree men. I hope that you’re able to save your marriage. Stop blaming her. Stop focusing on her. Start blaming yourself. Start taking care of yourself. Start doing what you need to do. And start living as the man you were meant to be.