We’ve all heard the adage that you are the average of your five closest friends. I don’t take that too literally but I do know that when I surround myself with powerful people, life changes. There was a time in my life where I lacked any real intentionality about who I surrounded myself with and the results (or lack thereof) showed.
Since those days, I’m made a deliberate and strategic decision to find people who are thriving in ways I want to thrive and put into action some strategies that have connected me with New York Times Bestselling Authors, elite warriors and athletes, multi-millionaire business owners, and, frankly, some of the most successful people on the planet.
The reason I want you to listen very closely to this episode is that I’m not particularly anything special. There are a lot of men out there who believe that the reason I’ve been able to connect with these people is because I’m successful. Guys, that just isn’t true. I may be experiencing some success now but when I started Order of Man, I had absolutely no track record of success. I’ve simply figured some things out and executed relentlessly.
So this isn’t something only extraordinary people can do. Whether you’re achieving huge levels of success of none at all, everyone can implement the five steps I’m going to share with you and do the same thing I’ve done.
The first point I need to make is that all of these five steps have the foundational element of adding value. I want you to focus on serving others and enhancing their lives. That’s it. At it’s most basic level, that is how you succeed and position yourself in the company with the right people. But let’s break this down even further.
Identify the Right People
Step number one is finding the right people to begin with. It’s very easy to lose intentionality about this and hang around the people you’ve always hung around. It’s easy to hangout with your buddies or your co-workers and while that might be great and fun, it may not be serving you the best.
You’re going to have to be more deliberate about your time and attention. Who do you know that is killing it on the home front? Who do you know that has a business that is absolutely exploding? Who is the wealthiest person you know? Who is the healthiest?
When you start to identify these people, you get them on your radar and can start moving into the other four areas I’m going to mention.
Look for Reasons to Connect
If you have no reason to connect with the people you identified, you’re not ever going to get on their radar. It’s not about who you know, it’s about who knows you.
One simple way to do this is go where they go, do what they do. One of the men I’ve been able to connect with and have admired for some time now is Cameron Hanes. I learned he was going to be doing a 5K in Salt Lake City last week so, I purchased the tickets, told my boys to hop in the car, and made the four hour drive to go run the race.
When I started Order of Man, I learned Brett McKay with the Art of Manliness was speaking at an event in Atlanta so, again, I purchased the tickets, made the arrangements, and went.
It really is that simple. You know where people are going to be and if you don’t, it’s easier than ever to find out. Take some time, do a little research, and put yourself in their path.
Help Them Get What They Want
Once you know who it is you want to connect with and have put yourself in their path, you need to help them get what they want – not what you want or what you think they want.
I reached out to Aubrey Marcus, founder of Onnit, for months and months with absolutely no response. But, I knew I wanted to connect with him (step 1) and followed his social media channels and emails (step 2) and found out that he was offering a paid course to help with meditation practices. I immediately reached out to his team and offered to have him on the podcast to promote his course. I also told them I’d bump my podcast lineup so that we could coordinate the launch of our conversation with the release date of his course. I heard back from them immediately and booked the interview. It went so well that I messaged him just a couple weeks ago and booked him again for a second interview for the release of his new book Own the Day, Own Your Life (that interview will be available next week so make sure you subscribe to the show).
The next step is to maintain contact with these people. This is not a “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” kind of deal here. This is a relationship you’re trying to develop and foster.
You must have a plan and system in place for maintaining contact, whether it’s through social media engagement, periodic messages or emails, a phone call, and invitation to an event, etc.
I was down in Las Vegas a couple months after my first interview with Andy Frisella. I saw a Lamborghini (he’s a car guy) in his company’s (1st Phorm) colors. I just sent him a quick text with a picture of the car and said, “Hey man, just ran across this and thought of you. Hope all is well.” That’s it. I wasn’t asking for anything. I wasn’t even asking him even to respond. I was simply putting myself back on his radar by sharing something that is significant and relevant to him.
I’ve send clipping from magazines to people. I’ve texted others when their name is dropped in a podcast they may not have been aware of. I’ve facilitated introductions that would help them along the way. I’ve offered to promote their courses. I’ve shared their material on my social media accounts. Whatever I can do to get another touch point, I’m going to do it.
And, the last step I want to share with you is that you have to be worthy. I know that’s probably not the right word, but it will illustrate the point. Regardless of what you think or how fair you think it is, winners don’t hang out with losers, rich people don’t hang out with poor people, healthy people don’t hang out with unhealthy people.
I know people are going to complain and find something to find fault with in that statement but the truth is the truth. So, rather than fight it, embrace it. The best way to do this is to ask yourself, “who do I need to become?” Then, become that person.
If you want to get the attention of healthy people, you need to exercise healthy habits. If you want to hang out with successful people, you need to start getting some wins under your belt. If you want to hang out with rich people, you had better get your financial affairs in order.
I’m not suggesting you need to be at the pinnacle of your game – I’m certainly not – but you do need to start implementing the right habits and actions into your life. If you’re out of integrity with what you want and what you’re doing, the high-quality people you’re trying to attract will not respond, plain and simple.
So that’s it guys, five very simple yet effective strategies for connecting with powerful people. This isn’t going to happen overnight (I’ve been working at it for three years) but if you implement this thought process and these actions day in and day out, I have no doubt you will begin to connect with the right people and, by default, become that man you’re working to become.