Let’s have a discussion about what masculine sovereignty is all about. I’m not going to give you a lot of back story here because this is part two to the conversation we started having last week. So, if you haven’t heard last week’s Friday Field Notes yet, go back and listen to that so you can get some context for the rest of the conversation.
Last week I covered six principles of individual sovereignty: No One Owes you a Thing, Everything in Life is a Choice, Focus Only on What You Can Control, Operate in Reality, Accept Responsibility, and Be Accountable to Yourself.
Again, if you want more details about that, head to www.orderofman.com/FFN040.
Let’s get into the next six principles today.
DO NOT GET OFFENDED – LEARN
Look, we live in a world where everyone seems to be offended about everything. If anyone happens to disagree with another person, they automatically treat it as an insult and/or a personal attack, and go on the defensive or offensive immediately.
If you find yourself taking offense to everything, I would suggest that you have some conifidence issues you need to work out. If you can’t let the fact go that someone else may see things differently than you, you’ve got some serious issues to work out.
The other element of this is your pride and ego. Your ego, your pride, and your desire to be right all the time is hindering your ability to learn something new. Everytime someone disagrees with you, it’s an opportunity to gain new insights and perspectives into how you might improve your life.
If you really want to grow, you won’t take offense, you’ll learn from the opposing view.
IF YOU MESS UP, MAKE IT RIGHT
Let’s get real here. All of us mess up. It’s human nature.
Most people make it worse by denying it or, even worse, compounding the problem by not fessing up to it and making the situation right.
If you yell at your kids unnecessarily, apologize. If you drop the ball on a project, fess up, and get back on top of it.
If you’ve wronged someone, make amends.
It doesn’t make you weak to apologize. It makes you weak not to.
If you catch yourself having to apologize over and over and over again, maybe you’ll start considering doing it right in the first place moving forward.
If you’re not willing to apologize and rectify the situation when you get it wrong, you’re never going to change your behavior.
DO NOT SEEK OTHERS’ APPROVAL
I used to do this all the time. I used to change my thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and actions to appease other people. I was a people pleaser. And, the more I did it, the more I realized that, not only is it impossible, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Regardless of what you do, not everyone is going to be happy. And, the more you change who you are, the more unsatisfied and frustrated you are going to be in life because there will be a huge disconnect between what you believe and what you do.
Stop trying to please everyone. Stop trying to get their approval or permission. You have ideas. You have inspirations. You have thoughts. Act on those things without the need or even desire to see what others think.
This isn’t permission to be reckless but it is permission to do what you want to do and have faith knowing that you already know the best way forward.
UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS
As men, we are led to believe that we should suppress our emotions, that the “negative” emotions we experience, are bad and should be avoided.
Then, we hear about the concept of Stoicism and we think that we should hide those emotions even further.
That’s not what Stoicism is about. Stoicism is about understanding your emotions so they can serve you more effectively and those you care about.
It’s okay to be mad or angry. It’s okay to be to be jealous. It’s okay to be sad.
Emotions are indicators – indicators that something is working or something is not.
So, when you feel those emotions, stop, breathe, and understand what they’re trying to tell you so you can make the best decision moving forward and act accordingly.
It’s okay to be angry. Sometimes that’s appropriate. How you respond to that anger, for example, may not be.
So many people get caught in paralysis by analysis. They strategize, they plan, they overthink so much and they never take action.
Ideas are great but, they’re cheap. Show me the man who is willing to execute an under-articulated plan then go back to the drawing board, then execute again and I’ll show you a man who is going to succeed in life – eventually.
You’re going to mess up. You’re not going to get it right. You’re going to trip and fall. People who aren’t wiling to execute will probably mock you.
As we watch the Super Bowl this weekend, we’re going to hear from all the critics and all the armchair quarterbacks who never once dared to step onto the field.
It reminds me of The Man in the Arena by Teddy Roosevelt which I read to you since it’s so powerful.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”— Theodore Roosevelt
Are you daring enough to get in the arena? That, gentlemen, is what makes us men.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
I’m not going to dive too deep into this one because we talked about it a little already. You’re going to mess up, right? It’s part of the deal.
But what isn’t part of the deal is to keep making the same mistake over and over and over again. If something isn’t working and you keep falling prey to it, you haven’t adequately learned your lesson yet.
You don’t need to struggle. You don’t need to keep doing the same things over and over again. Sometimes you need to try something new. You need to reflect upon an exercise or your day to see what actually got wrong, then go back to the drawing board and make it work better next time.
Gentlemen, that is what I had to share with you today. Remember, those six principles – Do Not Get Offended – Learn, If You Mess Up, Make it Right, Do Not Seek Others’ Approval, Understand Your Emotions, Execute Relentlessly, and Learn From Your Mistakes – are just six of the twelve I’ve now shared.
The first six can be found at www.orderofman.com/FFN040 if you haven’t already listened to that.
Until next week men, remember the principles of masculine sovereignty, implement them in your life, and become the man you were meant to be.
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Great guidance Ryan. My top three would be No One Owes You a Thing, Execute Relentlessly and Learn From Your Mistakes. In other words take full responsibility for your life, take appropriate relentless action to improve it and be smart and course correct as necessary. Do these things over the long term and you will indeed become your very best.